Double entendre

39

Monday 21 December, 2015 by Uncle Spike

Today marks the day when I share my annual ‘special’. Published each year on the birthday of my late wife, these zany stories are my kind of memorial. A couple of years back saw the sharing of a classic tale of her spraying a white Volvo station-wagon with black paint and then last year how she sang Men of Harlech on top of Harlech Castle in Wales, dressed in biking leathers 🙂

So for this year, I thought I would share her accidental talent for the double entendre, often with results of socially awkwardness for all those around her! In absolute innocence, it would seem that the mouth can sometimes deliver a slightly dodgy version of one’s intended oration. This is a case in point.

Back in the early 90s, we had been self-renovating our old Edwardian house in southern England, ripping off chunks of wall plaster, renewing the stairs, replacing floorboards, and of course, gutting the aged and filthy old kitchen that had been grossly neglected for a couple of decades by the elderly former occupant. We lived in-situ during much of the work, often ‘habiting’ in a single room as we trashed and regenerated the rest. It was a tale of dust, tears, joy, and debt, as anyone having undertaken similar would attest.

Nearing the end of the kitchen project, there was a rather ‘posh retirement do’ at my parents gaff. In attendance were a gaggle of his lordship’s colleagues, so we are talking mostly senior managers in the IT industry of the 70s-80s, with wives and husbands in tow, the full array of best frocks and suits on display, and a fleet of company cars blocking half the village. Accents were notched up a peg or two, matching the angled noses of some attendees too.

Anyway, you get the picture. We had reluctantly agreed to be there, knowing how much distress it caused us both, when in reality, a trip to the pub on the bike would have been so much more, err, appealing, less nauseating, and just plain old ‘more comfortable’!

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english villages

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When out of my depth, I tend to go quiet, perhaps a tad aloof, and certainly not ‘in my zone’. My late wife, on the other hand, could hold herself pretty well on such occasions, often the centre of attraction with her ease of communication – even though, deep down, she was as uncomfortable as your truly. Of course, discomfort in silence to some (me), makes for over enthusiasm in others (my late wife).

I remember one particularly hoity-toity WAG who seemed to fix in on us as obvious easy prey. Having heard about our kitchen building exploits, she was keen to emphasise the difference between those who ‘managed’ and those of us who ‘did stuff with our hands’ (or work – something she clearly hadn’t one iota of a clue as to that that even was).

~ assume a pretentious upper class condescending British accent for this bit ~

“Oh how wonderful for you my dear. It must be such fun to do these things in your own little house. And your husband [me]; I hear he just erected a super little kitchen for you too! How very quaint.”

Noting the obvious ladles of added bitchy sarcasm loaded into said comment, my late wife played along and responded with her own quip. Stretching on her height advantage (and the 4″ heels), wearing a huge smile and her own poshed-up accent, she quite eloquently retorted at some volume

“Oh yes, how nice of you to say, and how right you are. I am so very lucky, aren’t I.
He really IS a wonderful erector!”

The room fell into utter silence. You could have heard a pin drop in the next village. Well…., stuffy old mare, she asked for that. Don’t think the old man ever recovered though. One of life’s priceless moments.

And thank you…

Posting about days gone by is not always easy. For starters, memoirs have issues of sensitivity. Today I really want to thank the girls for their consent to me sharing this story about their mum; thankfully they share my views on her zaniness and understand why I do this. Equally important, I want to sincerely thank my wife for her generosity of spirit, in encouraging me to not to forget my past. Not only in supporting me at times like this, but in openly befriending the girls (who are growed-up moms too of course).

SPIKE

39 thoughts on “Double entendre

  1. Spike .. Thank you so much. Wonderful memories .. Very special ladies in you life. 🙂

    Like

  2. asthaguptaa says:

    Beautiful reading experience..

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love it. A fabulous tale. In my experience, people who carry on like that snooty woman are normally nouveau riche rather than genuinely posh. Congratulations to your wife, coming up with a response like that. I love your description “Accents were notched up a peg or two, matching the angled noses of some attendees too”. Can’t stand those sort of social affairs and would make sure to wear my jeans and trainers to them if forced to attend.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. grevilleacorner says:

    Great story and a wonderful come back from your wife. Lovely memories that you share so well….Merry Christmas to you and your family 🙂

    Like

  5. prior2001 says:

    You late wife sounds like such a treasured part of u still – and happy bday as she remains with u and the girls and family like this – I have not read ur other posts but it is obvious you two had that special chemistry – which truly is nurtured with a good erector in the house! Lol side note – I hate snobby people

    Like

  6. How wonderful of you to share with us! She was quite the woman. Kudos to her for giving it right back!! She and I would have gotten along so well! lol

    Liked by 1 person

  7. laflor5233 says:

    What a great story, I felt like I was in a scene of Downton Abbey

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Linda says:

    Its not just luck that you have been married to extraordinary women. You are clearly a good man, which your readers already know. Oh, and about that singing from atop the castle? Genius, I wish I’d done that. Think of the acoustics. Thanks for sharing these great stories!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I am moved by such a delightful, personal share, Spike. Wonderful to honor her memory on her birthday. ☺

    Liked by 1 person

  10. A lovely post to your late wife. How special.

    Like

  11. Sue Slaght says:

    Not sure if you are the hugging type Spike but reading that I wanted to leap through the screen and give you one big hug. A marvelous way to honor your late wife. I would have loved to have heard her say that!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. The Rider says:

    I am back… beautiful writing again on your part!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Yvonne says:

    Oh, I wish I had been a fly on the wall to hear that exchange!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Lynn says:

    This is so funny Spike! You honour her life in continuing to share her story through your memories. Wonderful!

    Liked by 3 people

  15. CurlsnSkirls says:

    Touching, and beautifully written ~ thank you.
    Wishing joyous holidays to you and your loving family!
    del

    Liked by 1 person

  16. dayphoto says:

    Your tribute is so touching. I could ‘see’ the whole party and the vivaciousness of your late wife. I have a wonder that at least one or both of her daughters are a bit like her and love the exuberance from which her memory continues to shine forth.

    As for Auntie Spike she is a very amazing woman, so many people in couple relationship want the past to die and never enter the current relationship ever…I courtesy to your wife…she is an example to all.

    Linda

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Thanks for sharing. Enjoyed the story for its humor and as a memorial to your wife.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Gill McGrath says:

    Wonderful story and so utterly lovely of you. Tough days here at the mo… heartening story , thanks Spike!

    Liked by 1 person

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