Guest post: “The Psycho Soprano!” – by Charlotte Hoather

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Sunday 12 January, 2014 by Uncle Spike

In this post, it’s Uncle Spike’s intention to bring a bit of much-needed ‘culture’ to the blog… and so without further ado: this week’s special Guest Writer is none other than Charlotte Hoather…

I would like to think that I’m on a par with Charlotte with her ‘Done that, got the t-shirt’ grasp on life (as if), but… this young woman happens to be a seriously accomplished soprano (among other talents). However, she might also be a bit of a nutter too. So yep, about right to represent The Spikey’s this week….

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“How I Was Almost Thrown Out Of My Own Concert!”

When Uncle Spike asked me to be a guest writer on Uncle Spike’s Adventures my immediate thought was ‘Oh no! I’m not witty enough’, then the daredevil in me kicked in so here goes.

My thought process:

I could write about the snake adventure (but that wasn’t in line with the brief).

What about the terrifying reverse bungee horror (the mistake was deciding to do it in the first place).

Or maybe the white water rafting incident in Slovenia where health and safety was dare I say lost in translation!

I know the freezing cold high school windsurfing lesson; the long jump session where I ended up face down eating sand; the cheerleading experience where I immediately volunteered to be the flyer (best not tell Mum about that one!).

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No, there was only one story worthy enough for Spikey’s blog:

Lethalogica © Michael Adamson

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A couple of years ago I agreed to be the soprano for a group of talented composition students at the Junior Royal Northern College of Music who were all in their final year before going off to University. I hadn’t realised quite how adventurous these guys would be with my vocals! Michael had composed an unusual piece for a four piece string section and me called ‘Lethalogica’. I spent weeks learning the piece and was excited to do it.

During rehearsal the lead tutor decided it would be even more amusing and dramatic if I started my section seated in amongst the audience at the back of the theatre. I’d back combed my hair put on a costume I’d borrowed from my High School, but in my excitement I forgot to put on my hat.

This is the sort of look I was going for 😉

As the musicians started to play they were on strict instructions to ignore me and continue to play whatever happened! It was a big audience and I noticed a couple of the composition tutors from the senior school had sat down further along on my row. My parents were in front of me and I just thought ‘they’re going to love this!’

I stood up and began to sing along in wails, clicks, mutters, high notes, and words made up by Adam as I shuffled my way to the end of the row forcing the audience to their feet to let me pass, getting louder as the strings did. The two senior school tutors didn’t stand for me, tutting their disapproval as I passed.

As I began to walk down the steps a lady jumped out and grabbed my arm to try to persuade me to sit down, she thought I was losing my marbles. She asked me if I had any pills I needed to take, oh my what to do I carried on singing, then in a break under my breath I told her ‘I’m in the show’. ‘No dear’ she said, ‘you’re not, please sit down’. The next minute a man from the other side of the aisle jumped up and grabbed my other arm; they were literally going to drag me out, my feet left the floor for a moment. I threw my head back and sang louder, I tried to kick his shin and lowered my weight causing them to pause. I let out a top A and at that moment the lady realised who I was, I was singing for her son too. I glanced over at the Head of Juniors and she was holding back two first aiders from coming to get me.

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I broke free stumbling on to the stage. All this time the musicians played on magnificently. I purposefully sang all the words and sounds Michael had crafted whilst barging straight through two of the music stands sending them and the scores flying and still they continued to play.

I reached my climax and without a word just walked out of the theatre.

My parents still choke laughing about this today as all of the people in on it burst into applause everyone else joined in but were talking about what the heck had just happened to each other because my name hadn’t appeared in the program and I didn’t go back in for a bow.

I just can’t write down how funny this was I guess you may have to have been there? The musicians thought it was hilarious and couldn’t believe they’d managed to play throughout the piece but most importantly Michael and his tutor were really happy!

After the show I got lots of compliments – perhaps I do crazy a bit too well!

written by: Charlotte Hoather

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Charlotte is an English born, vocal music student at the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland in Glasgow. With achievements in Music, Drama, Dance and Music Theatre, Charlotte is now studying for her BMus (Hons). Other talents include playing the piano (Uncle Spike played the spoons once), and she dances: ballet, tap, Latin and ballroom (it has been said that Uncle Spike dances best when the feet are nailed to the floor). To add to all the posh ‘n’ cultured stuff, Charlotte is also a 2nd Dan black belt (Uncle Spike has a drawer full of belts too, oh, plus some hay-baling string used sometimes) and Charlotte can even swim (not ‘Spikey Doggie-Paddle’; serious stuff – five years with an Amateur Swimming Club). Back to the main bit; she also sings in two choirs, namely the Glasgow based Female Chamber Choir “Les Sirenes”, and the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland choir. (haha, that’ll teach her to leave the bio up to me)

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Thanks to Charlotte for this week’s excellent guest writers post… You can read all about Charlotte and what she is up to by following this link to Charlotte’s blog or by checking out Charlotte’s website.

UNCLE SPIKE